Trust in others
Why people betray us, if we should trust them, and how to live on with life regardless.
One of the most painful experiences in life is the sensation of betrayal. Betrayal carries significant weight as it shatters the foundation of trust, a vital element in any form of relationship. Whether in society, family, institutions, or marriage, trust forms the cornerstone of functionality. The impact of betrayal is profound, as it erodes one's capacity to confide in others.
The motivations behind betrayal can be attributed to three primary factors. The initial catalyst for betrayal often stems from excessive ambitions, greed, lust, or unchecked passion. When one becomes consumed by insatiable desires, these overpowering forces can eclipse any sense of loyalty, integrity, or honesty. The pursuit of success can become so all-encompassing that it takes precedence over all else, even ethical considerations. The relentless drive for wealth, opulence, or personal gain can lead to actions such as theft, embezzlement, or the breach of confidential information.
In some cases, the desire for personal gain, affluence, or a lavish lifestyle might become so overwhelming that an individual resorts to theft, embezzlement, or the inappropriate use of confidential information. Similarly, overpowering sexual attractions could drive someone to betray their marital vows.
Additionally, the pursuit of a higher purpose can rationalize betrayal. In such instances, betrayal is not perceived as malevolent, but rather as a virtuous act. One might believe that disclosing sensitive information is warranted to save another person's life or soul. The third factor leading to betrayal is the inclination to manipulate others' emotions and sow discord.
To be betrayed is to be trusting in the first place. The only people who betray you are the people you trust in the first place. Hence, a very natural response that arises in many people's minds is to not trust others again. Shut themselves off completely to any sort of emotional vulnerability. Trust is very fragile. To gain it again is next to, if not impossible.
But is that the correct approach? I don't think so. After all, we all depend on each other for survival since primitive times. Evolution has wired trust in our behaviour. It is impossible for us to live without trusting and depending on others. Betrayal cannot be avoided. It must be dealt with. Shunning personal relationships is not really an answer for humans in this world.
Marcus was betrayed by his most trusted general. What do you think he did? He forgave him. Though the general, who goes in history by the name Avidius Cassius, did not get a chance to be forgiven by Marcus, his co-conspirators did.
To expect a bad person not to harm others is like expecting a fig tree not to secrete juice, babies not to cry, horses not to neigh—the inevitable not to happen. What else could they do—with that sort of character?/*Marcus Aurelius*, Meditations/
A stoic approach to betrayal is to be soft on the perpetrator. In contrast, compared to holding yourself in high standards and not making excuses when you fail to meet them, others should be forgiven for their mistakes to as much extent as possible.
However, on the other hand, Epictetus also said, "If a companion is dirty, his friends cannot help but get a little dirty too, no matter how clean they started out.". While it is important to forgive the perpetrators, we must also remember the fact that we are the average of the 5 people around us. To be good means to be in a good company. Forgive people, and then keep a distance from them without hatred and malice for them.
